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Bawling for a stupider

late several days ago, I found myself so hard to accept the fact of losing someone. I know everybody feel annoyed because of my love issue. but, I don’t think I got somebody to tell to about my sadness. I only can write here telling what I’m felling.

I stuck on a stupider. I’m tired of giving chance. I’m tired of idea of falling in love. guys are jerk. they just think about their selves, which kind of selfish. they thought they did good enough in standing a relationship. they’ve taken everything for granted even at smallest things. he turned bossy when he never listen what was I said. I fed up with all this mess. I’m sick of trying to love someone. it’s obviously complicated rather than trapping in cross word puzzle. 

when I decided to end off this relationship, he accused me quitter. he said I know nothing but only given up. I broke people’s heart just because of him. then now, how much I feel regret about myself. I’m regret about inability of making decision plus my stupidity of making consideration. I hate of being regret. but, that’s what I feel right now. 

I hate crying for him. I hate when I’ve fallen stupid again and over again. I hate his sorry. I hate that I love him so much. I hate the idea of I can’t resist him to be part of my life. I so hate this feeling. suCks it up!

I wanna walk away without turn around but I’m terrified. I’m terrified of being alone. I’m terrified of being hurted.  even so much time, I ask God to show me the right way. but it seems not good enough because I’m still clueless about the right path. God listens to me but yet he don’t grant me what I’m looking for.  I wish for something better out there. they say that good things take time. but really great things happen in the blink of an eye. *sighing* I hope that’s true. 

I wanna bawl like crazy. but I’m tired of bawling around. I keep of thinking that I deserve a man 10 times nicer than him, smarter than him, even better look than him.  I want a guy who can make me feel secure when I’m tripping alone, when people call me ugly, stupid and insult me at the back. I want a guy who can lead me the right way of islam. be my guidance when I need. aware of my feeling. lend his shoulder during my bad day. I so want these. I won’t ever stop praying and hoping my happiness will come someday. 

after all I’ve been through, I think I’m strong enough to face whatever upcoming tricks of the life. I believe in me myself and I wait for the miracle coming around. Allah, bless me please.

off here,

eragadisbiasa.