Tired of being tired

I don’t have idea why we keep arguing about even the smallest things. I hate when he turned to bossy and felt he was right in all ways. I hate when he yelled to me because of my wrongs. I hate when he turned so nice when asking me favours or he intended something to me. I hate him so much. I really am right now. I feel like I won’t back to him because he ridiculed himself to hurt me again and over again. i’m feeling terribly upset about our relationship like nothing can to do to work it out. I must take decision whether to move on or stay and give chance for many times I guess. if I bailed him, im not sure if I can go through myself alone plus next year is my final year, it would be unusual tougher. I’m terrified if I can't let him go by thinking of our golden memories in every single day of woe. I’m afraid of losing him when I can’t be myself in front of others but only him. I’m afraid that I’ve no one to cry at when I really need someone. It freaks me when I’m thinking I will be such a loner even there is many friends of mine around then I have to grin in  cry. maybe I can’t stand these in short time, then I will recover in time. it must be temporary insanity when I have to be alone for while. whatever it takes, I’ve really given up about us, about your lies, about your temper, about your fake, and everything about you. this time I should be firmer about my decision and never look back. I maybe forgive him but I really mean when I said, we’re definitely over.

I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of always wondering when God is finally going to let me be happy. Most of all, I’m just tired of being tired.

Allah, I wish u for blessing and strength, show me if I’ve wronged.